Clocks Have Too Much Power.

Isn't it odd that time has hands?

I remember learning how to tell time as a child. My parents took a paper plate, wrote the numbers of the clock on the outside, then fashioned two thin strips of card-stock to the middle that were capable of moving around; one short, the other a little longer.  

It took me awhile but I got it. After much practice I was a whiz at telling time. Many years later I still have a fondness for old clocks. However unlike when I was a child, nowadays clocks have a substantial amount of control my life: I have a pickiness for being prompt and scheduling my days full.

"Time means nothing", a fairly common concept, one which I agree with in some circumstances. But then again if time is nothing then what do we say to our past, how to we gage our future? Time is often most things (I won't go as far as to say "everything", that seems so extreme). It is the boundary around our life that dictates when we rise, rest, and eat. It is so fickle. 

Time has hands, and a face. It is so human, yet so mysteriously unearthly. Clocks,whether visible or unseen, are the bearers of time that represent it's human qualities. It is so  selfish, and always anxious to move forward. It is a friend but an enemy as well. It's hands reach out and cradle the moments of life. Then it moves on, rather quickly, to the next second, minute, hour, and day. 
Then on some rare occasion time appears to stop, its hand grasping tightly to the moment before it. But time stopping is like holding one's breath. Hold it too long and life concludes, release it and your lungs must work extra hard to return to their full state. Time is no different, it too must speed by even faster to catch up with itself. 

Perhaps it is not worth fusing about, time that is, because it is inescapable, we all grow older. But my mind can't help but grapple with it. I want my time to matter. I want to spend my life not letting time fly by without notice. This belief both drives me to success and utter exhaustion. I have always been one to jam pack my days with activities, meetings, work, school, and the seemingly endless amount of hobbies I have acquired over the years. 

But what about taking the time to reflect? What about "counting ones blessings", "stopping to smell the roses", the concept of "resting". I have the tendency to believe I can "rest" while on the go. It is a similar concept to stopping at the gas station and convincing yourself you just had a gourmet meal, then hitting the road again to your next destination. After awhile you get sick from eating pringles and granola bars and realize that maybe you should actually stop and be filled on good eatin'. Silly example I know (but I am constantly thinking about food and cooking so naturally edible analogies come to mind). To take the analogy a tad further- not taking time for contemplation is like taking a road trip solely to get to the destination and neglecting the actual journey itself. 

These journey moments in life are the ones that dazzle me:

Flipping through pictures from 1996 and knowing that those little spunky girls are like sisters to me today.

Seeing a long ago friend and picking up as if no time was lost and feeling so close.  

Having a wretched day at work that seemed to last light years to then come home to the love of my life playing the accordion with the hot water boiling for tea.



Forming friendships that are newer in time but are deeply established in connection and care. 

Talking with my mom and dad and knowing they helped me grow into the person I am today. 

And the list rolls on. The point is I want to continue to be aware of the moments in life and not discount the seemingly ordinary days when in fact those can sometimes be the most lovely. 

Sean and I have been married almost a year now. We have already moved twice and are now in a house that is our home. I have begun a job I've dreamed about and feel like I'm in a place of great purpose. The crazy part is, is that I have no trouble whisking my thoughts back to the days Lizzie and I would chase down the ice-cream man on our scooters (or cop cars as we called them) just hoping that he would have a Bubble Play popsicle in stock. As I sit here my mind pours forth a myriad of memories. Today I am reveling about the blessings of the past and present. It is very easy for me to feel hurried, to fill a day, and still feel like I don't have enough time. But the truth is time wants to be embraced. I want to stop worrying about not having enough of it and take its hands as I live in the moments I've been given.

Easier said than done no doubt. But I will continue musing on the idea none the less...and go start making butternut squash soup and some garlic bread. I'm hungry and Sean should be home soon.